It
isn’t very often that old movies hold up in the modern era. How can they?
The nostalgia factor is there for those who saw them when they were new,
but film has been largely overtaken by TV series where stories can be greatly
expanded. Technology and special effects
are constantly advancing and becoming more cost-effective. However, progress is never perfect and
artistic nuance inevitably falls by the wayside. That’s why certain comedies like ‘Blazing
Saddles’, ‘Airplane’ and ‘History of the World Part I’ are timeless
classics. Though, this is rarely the
case with adult films.
So,
how did I stumble onto this now obscure, almost forty year old adult classic
made well before I was born? It came up
in conversation when I was describing a friend’s failed attempt to illegally
download the recent box office hit ‘Batman versus Superman’. It turned out to be a porno spoof with the
same. I’m giving him the benefit of the
doubt in describing this as accidental.
It’s also funnier that way.
While
the adult spoof of ‘Batman versus Superman’ had some comedic value (born mainly
out of bad costumes and terrible acting), ‘Cinderella’ was a genuine adult comedy. True to the classical storyline, the movie
opens with Cinderella slaving away in service of her ugly step-sisters. The medieval sewing machine she uses to make
and alter their clothing also powers the dildos they use to pleasure themselves
in the next room.
Meanwhile,
the royal prince has yet to take a bride and is surrounded by willing
concubines who fail to hold his interest.
The king decides to hold a Royal Ball to find a wife for his son and
sends his most trusted envoy, Lord Chamberlain, to deliver invitations
throughout the kingdom. Of course,
shenanigans ensue along the way.
Invitations
eventually reach Cinderella’s household, but her evil step-mother and
step-sisters toss her invitation into the fire and she is left sulking alone at
home on the night of the Royal Ball.
That is until a thief whose sexuality is questionable and whose skin is
considerably darker than anyone else in the realm, bursts into her home while
fleeing the authorities. The naïve (and
blonde) Cinderella believes him when he tells her that he is her ‘faerie
godmother’. He tells her that she must
attend the Ball and proceeds to loot the home while she bathes. In a stroke of good fortune, the ‘faerie
godmother’ finds a magic wand among his stolen possessions. After Cinderella
finishes her bath, he uses the magic wand to style her hair and dress her in a
beautiful gown. Before she leaves for
the Royal Ball, he uses the magical wand one last time to give her a ‘Snappin’
Pussy’, which he promises she’ll thank him for later.
At
the ball, the Prince lays with each of his female guests at random while
blindfolded in a sort of spin the bottle game. Eventually, Cinderella is chosen
and her ‘snappin’ pussy’ steals his heart, though she flees the ball before the
stroke of midnight leaving only her glass slipper behind. The Prince, who has not seen Cinderella, then
embarks on a ball-draining quest throughout the kingdom to find the mystery
maiden with the magical snappin’ pussy.
By
today’s standards, ‘Cinderella’ would be regarded as an R-rated comedy rather
than a pornographic film, but that is neither here nor there. The humor stands up and the musical scenes
are surprisingly well-done. Luckily,
someone posted this gem on YouTube for all to enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYNuYRHpwF8
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